A String Of Jerrold's Jokes

At a club of which Jerrold was a member, a fierce Jacobite, and a

friend, as fierce, of the Orange cause, were arguing noisily, and

disturbing less excitable conversationalists. At length the Jacobite, a

brawny Scot, brought his fist down heavily upon the table, and roared

at his adversary, "I tell you what it is, sir, I spit upon your King

William!" The friend of the Prince of Orange rose, and roared back to

the Jacobite, "And I, sir, spit upon your James the Second!" Jerrold,

who had been listening to the uproar in silence, hereupon rang the bell,

and shouted "Waiter, spittoons for two!"

At an evening party, Jerrold was looking at the dancers, when, seeing a

very tall gentleman waltzing with a remarkably short lady, he said to a

friend at hand, "Humph! there's the mile dancing with the milestone!"

An old lady was in the habit of talking to Jerrold in a gloomy, depressing

manner, presenting to him only the sad side of life. "Hang it," said

Jerrold, one day, after a long and sombre interview, "she would not

allow that there was a bright side to the moon."

Jerrold said to an ardent young gentleman, who burned with desire to

see himself in print: "Be advised by me, young man: don't take down the

shutters before there is something in the windows."

While Jerrold was discussing one day, with Mr. Selby, the vexed question

of adapting dramatic pieces from the French, that gentleman insisted

upon claiming some of his characters as strictly original creations. "Do

you remember my Baroness in Ask No Questions?" said Mr. Selby. "Yes,

indeed; I don't think I ever saw a piece of yours without being struck

by your barrenness," was the retort.--Mark Lemon's Jest-book.

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